Voldie's FailedExperiments in Capturing Potter
by Yukenna
Summary: Well, Voldemort has tried many times to capture Harry potter, and these are the hillarious outtakes of how the boy who lived got away...There is no real time period...Make that up if you want to, this was no meant for people to spend valuable brain power


Disclaimer: I do not own the characters in this story, unless I made them up.FIGURE IT OUT ALREADY!!! But, it would be extremely cool to own these characters, to do away with them as I please and all that jazz. Just think of all the possibilities.AND ALL OF THAT MONEY!!! WOW!! Oh well.JK Rowling has that pleasure.but be assured! This plot is all mine baby!!  
  
Setting: The scene starts out in the same graveyard we saw at the ending of book 4. Harry is tied to the same headstone, Voldemort and his minions are all in their same places, laughing at Harry, and everything seems like it is happening all over again..But it's NOT! The only differences, however, are that Wormtail is shaking up a Martini for Voldie and off to one side, there is a lone toilet with the Hogwarts Crest engraved on it. There was also no dead Cedric (or he has disintegrated into the dirt or something) and no Triwizard Cup, so obviously, Voldemort just likes this location..yeah. Can you get the jist of what just happened here?  
  
NOW ON TO THE PLOT!!  
  
Voldie's minions have been laughing for quite some time now.actually for about 3 hours. They haven't really moved much from the place they started laughing, but now the laughing was taking it's toll. Some of the smaller, weaker Death Eaters have fainted now, and some of the stronger ones are becoming light-headed and have begun to sway. When about half of the Death Eaters were on the ground, Voldemort (aka Voldie) stepped into the ring. He slowly made his way towards Harry, a triumphant grin stamped on his face.  
  
"What a brilliant plan I had! I, once again, have brought you to my father's grave, for reasons even I don't know, by way of my own mental prowess!" He turned to a Death Eater on his left, who, obviously due to the laughing, was about to faint with the rest of them (A/N: Keep in mind that everyone is still laughing),  
  
"I did use that in the correct context, right?" The Death Eater nodded and then fainted. Voldemort grinned.  
  
"Good! Now on to how I carried out my.plan.yeah. ANYWAY, everyone knows that Hogwarts can block out my magic correct? But nowhere does it say that it can block me myself!"  
  
Hermione popped up out of nowhere, "It's true!" then, with a SNAP, she disappeared in a cloud of books.  
  
Harry, Voldemort, and the remaining standing Death Eaters stared and blinked at the spot where Hermione "disappeared". Voldie, of course was the first to snap out of it. 3 hours later.  
  
".ok..AS I was saying, Hogwarts could not block me as myself. (Looked around) So I disguised myself as an innocent school boy, visiting Hogwarts as if I were a Foreign exchange student from old Europ.Don't ask me where." He showed Harry a picture.  
  
"You do know you're sick minded right?"  
  
Voldemort looked at the picture, a photo of Lockhart, and (if he could) blushed, then put it in his pocket. He took out a bundle of pictures and started to sort through them.  
  
"No, no, not that. use that as a Christmas card.. no, no.Ahh! Here it is!"  
  
He showed Harry the picture. Voldemort was dressed in periwinkle blue overalls, with a matching hat, and a wig/toupee which sported curly blond locks. All of this was accompanied with a large, multicolored lollipop.  
  
"Aint I cute?"  
  
"You know, you look like Lockhart, only.more evil."  
  
"BWAHAHA!!! So, in this INGENIOUS disguise, I snuck into the Grynfindor common room, found the bathroom, and 'secretly' turned the toilet into a portkey and made it so that only you could use it-"  
  
"And what if I used one of the others?"  
  
"-I was GETTING to that, thank you!!! I also put another spell on the rest of the toilets so that to you, they looked gross! Ingenious, no?"  
  
"So let me get this strait," said Harry, utterly confused. " If Hogwarts blocked your powers, how were you able to cast a spell on the toilets INSIDE Hogwarts. ANOTHER thing, you looked so fake! How come I didn't see you? How come Professor Dumbledore didn't recognize you?" Harry paused to catch his breath. Then he realized something. "..HEY!! If you were in the common room in the first place, why didn't you first try to find my dorm and kill me there? I WAS ASLEEP FOR GOODNESS SAKES!!!!" Then he added under his breath "Idiot"  
  
For a brief second It looked as if Voldemort was hitting himself mentally for the folly, but then he compensated for it by laughing hysterically. "BWAHAHAHA!!! That's the genius of it! It's not supposed to make sense!! HAHAHAHA!!!"  
  
Harry hung his head. He felt as if it was hopeless. Voldemort has finally got him in his clammy clutches. Then he realized that being tied to a gravestone is very uncomfortable. Indeed. And the ropes were a bit rough too. They were going to give him ruggburn soon.that would be bad.How long was Voldemort going to leave him here.  
  
"About 3 more hours."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You were wondering how much longer I was going to leave you there, and I answered your silly question. You ungrateful..um..PERSON!"  
  
"You really need to work on your insults. And by the way, you didn't really surprise me with answering the question I didn't even voice out. I know you read minds."  
  
"Oh really! Who told you this information.Only my most trusted Death Eaters know that secret"  
  
Voldemort thought he was acting sly, more than likely the boy would want to keep the person secret. Probably Harry thought of this person as a role model, a protector of some sort, probably even a father figure. He expected Harry to keep this information to himself. For this, Voldemort was ready! He had a Veritesrum potion ready to force down the boy's throat. Voldemort suppressed a laugh.  
  
Harry looked around the graveyard. Found the only Death Eater who did not laugh (have you ever seen a Vampire laugh?). Harry started to grin. It was Snape! He was here! NOW was the time he could get back at him for the 5 years of misery Harry had endured under Snape's Tyranny! And the plus to this whole thing is that Harry wouldn't be lying!  
  
Disregaurding the fact that last year Snape gave him this information in hopes of saving his life AND the fact that Snape ALSO saved his life back in his first year, he looked at Voldie and said: "Do you really want to know?" "Yes, wouldn't I?" "Well.." "YES????"  
Harry looked at Snape, who by now was sweating like a fat man.A very fat gross, greasy, man. Harry's grin grew wider.  
  
"It was Luscious Malfoy I tell you!! He has been like a father to me ever since we first met in the Bookstore in my second year!"  
  
Lucious, who was one of the last Death Eaters still laughing (but he was on his knees), slowed down his laughing a bit, and started to look a tad bit nervous.  
  
"Oh Lucious!" Voldemort chimed, creeping up towards the laughing/crying man. "Did you learn NOTHING from our little chat? Did I not say that whatever is said or done within our little 'circle of trust' must stay WITHIN the circle of trust.Do you know where you are now Lucious?"  
  
Lucious gulped "But my Lord-"  
  
"You are now OUTSIDE the circle of trust!!! You know what that means?" "But sir,-" "THAT MEANS THAT YOU GET THE ATOMIC WEDGIE!!!!"  
Everybody who was still conscious shivered, while still laughing. This was the most evil of evil punishments the Dark Lord could dish out!!  
  
"WORMTAIL!! The appliance please!"  
Wormtail came out with a ten foot long pole with an atomic bomb tied to the bottom of the pole.the top had an evil looking hook.*shivers*.  
Voldemort put Lucious on top of the hook, apparated in some deserted area, then set the bomb to explode after he apparated back. @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@  
  
At this moment I stop the story because I am too lazy to finish it today, soooooo, You get to ponder the fate of Lucious for now, and probably give me a few ideas.mabe?? At least give me some input about the story.SOME flames are welcome.not all..ok, no flames are welcome, but review anyway.k? Se ya all!! 


End file.
